Tuesday
As a newer writer of flash fiction I have found the skill of brevity challenging because it's not just about writing fewer words. It's about writing fewer words with more juice, more potency.
But here is my question, when and how should writers apply tactics of compression to their writing? In my own writing process, compression is best applied after draft 4 because this is usually when I've gotten to know my story. The draft number will depend on the writer, of course, but basically, you cannot compress a story you don't know.
Steve Almond has great advice about brevity. In It Won't Take But a Minute Honey, Almond quotes the German Playwright, Bertolt Brecht, "Ask yourself, 'What work does it do?'" and says that writers should apply this question to every part of their story: paragraphs, sentences and words. In this essay I intend to demonstrate the process of compression while keeping the question "What work does it do?" as my editing guide.
Below is a paragraph from a story of mine, a 4th draft, which would benefit from a little distillation. First I will look at the whole paragraph and see if there are sentences I can cut.
When you're eight and your Mexican neighbors move in three house down, hang out with them, even though your mom tells you not to. Bust open piñatas at their birthday parties, learn the names of the best soccer players in Latin America while watching Copa America, watch their dad unleash his belt the instant his son, Anthony, talks back to his mom, learn expression like pinche huevon, let their mom feed you rice and beans, ask them why they named their huge black dog "Oso" and when they tell you, tell them that you call your dad the same thing, Bear, but just in English and not to his face. Here you will find your first new world.
The last sentence can be cut because the paragraph and the story as a whole already indicate that this is the "first new world" for the protagonist. It cannot satisfactorily answer the question "What work does it do?" so it can be cut. The next step is to look at each sentence, each word. I'll start with the first sentence.
When you're eight and your Mexican neighbors move in three houses down, hang out with them, even though your mom tells you not to.
If I replace the verb tells with says I can also delete the indirect object pronoun you. This saves one word and does not alter the meaning. See revision below.
When you're eight and your Mexican neighbors move in three houses down, hang out with them, even though your mom says not to.
I considered playing around with "your Mexican neighbors" in order to save another word but nothing seemed to work. I thought of "the Mexican family" (Nope, same number of words). "Mexican neighbors" saves a word, but without an article or possessive adjective it starts to sound too casual, slightly indifferent; and that is not how the narrator feels about her new neighbors. And of course just saying "Mexicans," although it would save two words, would not be at all the tone/attitude I want to communicate through the narrator. So in the end, "your Mexican neighbors" does the exact work I need it to do.
Now I'll take a look at the second sentence. This is a long sentence! "What work does it do?" Well, the imperative verbs and list of actions give it momentum but perhaps changing most of the commas to periods could create the same affect. See original and edited versions below.
Original: Bust open piñatas at their birthday parties, learn the names of the best soccer players in Latin America while watching Copa America, watch their dad unleash his belt the instant his son, Anthony, talks back to his mom, learn expression like pinche huevon, let their mom feed you rice and beans, ask them why they named their huge black dog "Oso" and when they tell you, tell them that you call your dad the same thing, Bear, but just in English and not to his face.
Edited:
- Bust open piñatas at their birthday parties.
- Learn the names of the best soccer players in Latin America while watching Copa America.
- Watch their dad unleash his belt the instant his son, Anthony, talks back to his mom.
- Learn expression like pinche huevon.
- Let their mom feed you rice and beans.
- Ask them why they named their huge black dog "Oso" and when they tell you, tell them that you call your dad the same thing, Bear, but just in English and not to his face.
Breaking this long sentence up into 6 smaller sentences helped me narrow in on each sentence with more clarity. So, in the final draft of this revision I've maintained the details that make it rich and the infinitive verbs and short breaks that give it momentum, but still was able to delete 3 unnecessary words.
With the first sentence "Bust open piñatas at their birthday parties" I finally decided that "their" is important because it really matters that my readers know that the narrator is just talking about the birthday parties at the Mexican family's house.
In the second sentence I considered taking "Copa America" out but then I realized that it's a detail that gives the piece life and authenticity.
In the third sentence I realized that it was not important to whom the boy was talking back. So, I decided that I could delete "to his mom."
In the sixth sentence I realized I could delete the indirect object pronoun "them" because it was already understood who the narrator was asking. The word "them" was not doing any work.
So, after this process of compression I have successfully reduced the word count by 13 words and made my story a little more potent because of it. Almonds advice to ask the question "What work does it do?" along with my own self-knowledge of how I work as a writer, were key factors in helping me to make good decisions about when and how to compress the story.
So, my humble advice to other new writers of flash fiction is to try the editing technique demonstrated above, but to also always take into consideration your own work habits and/or patterns, and make the advice work for you. For example, my self-knowledge that compression works best for me after the 4th draft enabled me to set myself up for success as opposed to frustration. So, try to know what kind of a writer you are; in what conditions you grow best, and how you produce fruit. In other words, try not to pluck your flashes off the vine too soon. Be patient, some flashes just need a little bit more time with their authors, in order to ripen and become the contained capsules of vital juice we had all hoped for.
Φ
About the Author
Noel Straight writes, dances, and works in Philadelphia, PA. She teaches Spanish and ESOL to students in Center City, takes all the dance/yoga classes she can at West Philadelphia's CEC, and when Noel is not writing, teaching, or dancing she is kicking it with her roommates at K & A. Currently, Noel is working on a collection of short stories and plans to complete an MFA in Creative Writing at Rosemont College in May 2014.
