Monday
I was first introduced to Ron Carlson’s writing in an introduction to writing class during the early years of my undergrad. The professor used his stories “Bigfoot Stole My Wife” and “I am Bigfoot” as examples for the frame narrative technique and for the monologue story. She never mentioned “I am Bigfoot” as a flash fiction piece, but it sure fits. The short, hilarious, defense Bigfoot gives captivated the class and led to one question we never thought we’d have to ask ourselves: Can we trust Bigfoot?
I Am
Bigfoot
Ron Carlson
That's
fine. I'm ready.
I am
Bigfoot. The Bigfoot. You've been hearing about me for some time now, seeing
artists' renderings, and perhaps a phony photograph or two. I should say right
here that an artist's rendering is one thing, but some trumped-up photograph is
entirely another. The one that really makes me sick purports to show me
standing in a stream in Northern California. Let me tell you something: Bigfoot
never gets his feet wet. And I've only been to Northern California once, long
enough to check out Redding and Eureka, both too quiet for the kind of guy I
am.
Anyway,
all week long, people (the people I contacted) have been wondering why I finally
have gone public. A couple thought it was because I was angry at that last
headline, remember: "Jackie O. Slays Bigfoot." No, I'm not angry. You
can't go around and correct everybody who slanders you. (Hey, I'm not dead, and
I only saw Jacquelin Onassis once, at about four hundred yards. She was on a
horse.) And as for libel, what should I do, go up to Rockefeller Center and
hire a lawyer? Please. Spare me. You can quote me on this: Bigfoot is not
interested in legal action.
"Then,
why?" they say. "Why climb out of the woods and go through all the
trouble of 'meeting the press,' so to speak? (Well, first of all, I don't live
in the woods year round,
which is a popular misconception of my life-style. Sure, I like the woods, but
I need action too. I've had some of my happiest times in the median of the
Baltimore Belt-route, the orchards of Arizona and Florida, and I spent nearly
five years in the corn country just outside St. Louis. So, it's not just the
woods, okay?)
Why I
came forward at this time concerns the truest thing I ever read about myself in
the papers. The headline read "Bigfoot Stole My Wife," and it was
right on the money. But beneath it was the real story: "Anguished
Husband's Cry." Now I read the article, every word. Twice. It was poorly written,
but it was all true. I stole the guy's wife. She wasn't the first and she
wasn't the last. But when I went back and read that "anguished
husband," it got me a little. I've been, as you probably have read, in all
fifty states and eleven foreign countries. (I have never been to Tibet, in case
you're wondering. That is some other guy, maybe the same one who was crossing
the stream in Northern California.) And,
in each place I've been, there's a woman. Come on, who is surprised by that? I
don't always steal them, in fact, I never steal them, but I do call them away, and they come
with me. I know my powers and I use my powers. And when I call a woman, she
comes.
So,
here I am. It's kind of a confession, I guess; kind of a warning. I've been
around; I've been all over the world (except Tibet! I don't know if that guy is
interested in women or not.) And I've seen thousands of women standing at their
kitchen windows, their stare in the mid-afternoon goes a thousand miles; I've
seen thousands of women, dressed to the nines, strolling the cosmetic counters
in Saks and I. Magnin, wondering why their lives aren't like movies; thousands
of women shuffling in the soft twilight of malls, headed for the Orange Julius
stand, not really there, just biding time until things get lovely.
And
things get lovely when I call. I cannot count them all, I cannot list the
things these women are doing while their husbands are out there in another
world, but one by one I'm meeting them on my terms. I am Bigfoot. I am not from
Tibet. I go from village to town to city to village. At present, I am watching
your wife. That's why I am here tonight. To tell you, fairly, man to man, I
suppose, I am watching your wife and I know for a fact, that when I call,
she'll come.
From A KIND OF FLYING: SELECTED STORIES by Ron Carlson. Copyright © 2003, 1997, 1992, 1987 by Ron Carlson. Used by permission of W. W. Norton & Company, Inc.
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It’s been three years since that class, and his stories have stuck with me ever since. His collection A Kind of Flying is almost always at arm’s length (and great for reading between all of the assigned literature throughout the semester). And recently, he was kind enough to answer a few questions for me both on writing and on his flash fiction piece “I Am Bigfoot:”
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The story is by far the most unusual interpretation of Bigfoot. How did you come to decide on the absurd (and hilarious) characteristics for your Bigfoot?
I wrote this tiny monologue after I had finished "Bigfoot Stole My Wife." I wrote the monologues in the first place because of my love of the tabloids, especially the English tabloids which really put ours in the shade. When we have "Elephant Smashes Trainer's Head," they have "Elephant Smashes Trainer's Head Flatter than a Teacake." That is all you need to know about powerhouse writing right there. When I wrote this monologue ("I am Bigfoot") it started with him behind an FBI Informant screen and he appeared as a shadow behind it; it was a joke—and then as he talked it shifted.
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How far apart were the two stories written? And was there always a plan for “I Am Bigfoot,” or did it spin out of the first story?
The tabloid monologues—and there are twelve or so—all sort of grew out of each other. I wrote "The Tablecloth of Turin" because of a moment in "Phenomenon" and so on. I wanted to put a beating heart in each of these tawdry headlines and see what would happen. They've been performed widely across the US and some were done a few years ago in Iraq. Most of them are in my selected stories: A Kind of Flying.
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Do you plan each story to be a either a short story or flash fiction, or does it depend more on the demands of the story?
The story itself determines its length and I usually know right away before the bottom of page one. If it wants to open up and go, I encourage it.
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What do you feel are some of the limitations and/or benefits of writing flash fiction?
Sometimes, flash fiction depends on language or cleverness and we miss the beating heart. I love a witty or dark little piece, but what we're aiming for in work long or short is that real contact with character.
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How would you describe your writing technique?
A spillage. Then I mop like crazy.
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Where do you go for ideas or inspiration?
Absolutely everywhere. There is too much input. But, I primarily love the specific moment observed in a way that feels like experience itself. So, some small event in the day which taps my empathy or imagination in a way that is oddly personal.
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Roman Colombo is an MFA student at Rosemont College and received his bachelor's degree in English-Creative Writing from the University of South Florida in 2008. He tries to write in as many genres as possible but loves prose, stage, and graphic novel the most. He has completed one novella, Trading Saints for Sinners (which can be found in the USF library), a Noir-play, Tampa Burning, and is now working on a military heist novel called Izzy's War as well as three graphic novels. He is exhausted.
From Kathy Fish
October 12, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Love this:” Sometimes, flash fiction depends on language or cleverness and we miss the beating heart.” Yes, absolutely.
From Anne Willkomm
October 12, 2009 at 3:13 pm
I love the same line Kathy Fish loved! Roman, I enjoyed the interview!
From Antonios
October 12, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Wonderful story! And what a little treasure chest of an interview.
“If it wants to open up and go, I encourage it.”
“…what we’re aiming for in work long or short is that real contact with character.”
And hey, you gotta love the man’s technique!
Thanks for this, Roman.
From Gabriel Orgrease
October 12, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Roman: good interview, I like the humor, thank you for the intro to Carlson, and what is that woman whispering in your ear?
From david erlewine
October 13, 2009 at 9:01 am
Kathy named my favorite line but I also really enjoyed: “A spillage. Then I mop like crazy.”
“Bigfoot Stole My Wife” remains one of THOSE stories, impacting me so much. Sort of like the people who talk about where they were when Kennedy got shot, I remember where I read and re-read that beautiful story.
Great stuff, Roman and Ron.
From david erlewine
October 13, 2009 at 9:02 am
GO, haven’t you seen “Lost in Translation”? He ain’t gonna tell.
From Roman Colombo
October 14, 2009 at 1:58 pm
David, I had the same feeling with this piece even while I was reading it.
And Gabriel, Whatever she’s whispering, I seem to be very happy.