Friday
Sergeant Kenneth Cobalt is fighting for his country in Iraq and unable to make decisions about his long distance plan. This is what I tell phone solicitors when they ask if Mr. Cobalt would like better evening and weekend rates.
Salvador Gomez has moved, with wife and baby, which is heartwarming because they tried for so long. Here’s their new address, you can send the garbage bill there, I say, and I give them an apartment complex without an apartment number. In the meantime, take these silly garbage cans away.
Cobalt and Gomez are in two of my flash pieces, characters with few lines, but strong presences. They only have so much space in a story to make an impression. But, they’re helpful guys with a conscience and despite their small appearances and minimal dialogue, they’re altruistic: they took over the phone bill and garbage, in case I don’t make enough money writing.
Some of my other characters also pitched in. And then moved.
Don’t send Francis Goodgod’s sewer invoice, I complain. She lived here before me. I’m tired of looking at Goodgod envelopes. Goodgod Goodgod Goodgod. If you ever find the slob, tell her she left the oven a mess.
Emily Cobalt, sometimes I’m her, distraught with worry about my husband Sgt. Kenneth and even though she isn’t in any story whatsoever, she is a terrific source for diverting the bills: The army won’t tell me where he is, she sheds real tears and pleads with the phone company to wait two more months. No, I won’t give you Kenny’s social security number, do you know what he does over there! And she hangs up with flare.
The trouble is, a number of my characters are liars and thieves.
You never found Francis Goodgod? What a flake. She’s a problem for you? Should have seen the shower.
Houston Diggle has a bit of a temper. Don’t ask him about the overdue cable account. How can you say you never got my check? My bank said it cleared just fine! *@#$#%$%.
These characters, they don’t always have the funds. Or the integrity.
This is Sergeant Kenneth Cobalt. Please discontinue phone service in my name. Even though I just returned, I’m being deployed back to Iraq immediately. I sent out a check at 0800. Should clear everything right up. My wife Emily will pay from now on. In fact, change the account to Emily. She has a different last name. Here, let me spell it for you.
I tell them not to pawn off their responsibilities onto other characters—unethical I say—but they don’t listen. Limited attention span, these flash folks. My characters have minds of their own, as they should. Wish they had wallets too.
Author’s Note
Stefanie Freele is the author of two short story collections, Surrounded by Water, with Press 53 and Feeding Strays, with Lost Horse Press. Her fiction has won the Glimmer Train Fiction Open. Stefanie’s published and forthcoming flash fiction can be found in Mid-American Review, Western Humanities Review, Quarterly West, The Florida Review, Night Train, Edge, Word Riot, Necessary Fiction, Pank and Flash Fiction Online. Also, Stefanie will be teaching a summer online Flash Fiction workshop via The Los Angeles Review.
