Mr. President, during the test you will be shown a series of inkblot images. Look at each inkblot for a moment and then tell me what you perceive. [Shows the president first image.]
What I don’t see is collusion. Everyone says that. There is no collusion. Looking, looking, and there’s no collusion between Trump and Russia. The Congress can’t ever see collusion. Everyone knows that. You ever have the Filet-o-Fish? Really, really, really amazing.
Mr. President, I’d like to hear what you see. Just tell me what you see.
You know how I met Putin. He sent me a picture of himself on horse. He’s the President of Russia, you know. A lot of people don’t know that. It was beautiful, a young man on a horse.
[Interrupting] That inkblot, Mr. President. What do you see in the inkblot?
Somebody said you see a Big Mac. Maybe that’s not right. I just heard that. That a lot of people see a Big Mac.
Mr. President, what do you see?
You know how I met Putin. He sent me a picture of himself on a horse—
You told me that, sir.
He’s the president of Russia, you know.
The inkblot? [Holds up a Diet Coke] Tell me what you see and you can have it.
I’m rich. Really, really, really rich. [Focuses for a moment on the inkblot]. It’s not a very good inkblot. I don’t know. People are telling me…wait. [Reaches inside pocket and holds paper up for psychologist.] What’s that say?
Inkblot #1. A bat.
Well, there’s your answer.
You were given the answers?
Someone was given the answers.
Let’s try another. [Takes paper of answers from President.]
[President grabs pile of inkblots, shuffles through them.] No collusion. No collusion. No collusion. No collusion. No collusion. No collusion. No collusion. No collusion.
And—[President shows interviewer the picture]—where you get this? [President angrily crumples paper and shoves it in his jacket pocket.]
You tried to trick me. Showing me that. My father in a white hood riding through the streets of Manhattan. You’ll be hearing from an LLC in Delaware that is no way connected to me: NotTrump, LLC. I assume you have copies.
Just a standard inkblot, sir. [Returns to first inkblot]. What do you see, Mr. Trump?
A wall. That’s what the base sees. And Mexico’s going to pay for it. And this test. And my next tanning spray.
I want your answer, Mr. President. [Pushes inkblot closer].
It’s going to be amazing. Believe me.
What is, sir?
My answer. [Reaches for Diet Coke] You know how I met Putin…